If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
