The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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