The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
