Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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