remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
