I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
