Need sex. Gaining weight.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it