Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion