there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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