Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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