I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Houston, we have a squirter
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
