That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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