I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
