I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize