my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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