Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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