That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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