Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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