and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
