Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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