I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
