dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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