The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your penis caused this!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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