Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
