very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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