Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you mean i was at the winter classic?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
