I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
