That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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