Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
then he tried to convert me to islam
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
