So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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