If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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