No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they need to just BURY HIM!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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