we made out on top of his cat.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
did i just pee glitter
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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