cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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