I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
