so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.