my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.