capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just google imaged poop.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?