I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow