Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.