Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

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(847): I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever. http://tfl.nu/o6xg

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(334): View more from Alabama

I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out

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(334): I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out http://tfl.nu/mv9d

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(402): View more from Nebraska

what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

are you high?

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(402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1

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(440): View more from Ohio

he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.

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(440): he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life. http://tfl.nu/ggva

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(269): View more from Michigan

I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.

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(269): I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon. http://tfl.nu/pf1i

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(904): View more from Florida

So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?

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(904): So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer? http://tfl.nu/mn6g

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(775): View more from Nevada

She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.

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(775): She called to say she's single and blow job season is back. http://tfl.nu/ndvl

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(519): View more from Ontario

It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.

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(519): It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE. http://tfl.nu/hewz

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(214): View more from Texas

i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.

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(214): i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing. http://tfl.nu/q1z1

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(502): View more from Kentucky

He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.

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(502): He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on. http://tfl.nu/ri58

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(209): View more from California

Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING

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(209): Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING http://tfl.nu/zpal

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.

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(724): The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent. http://tfl.nu/afyt

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(330): View more from Ohio

I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.

(513): View more from Ohio

It has been happening a lot lately.

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(330): I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me. (513): It has been happening a lot lately. http://tfl.nu/53io

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(909): View more from California

Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"

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(909): Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead" http://tfl.nu/uxql

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.

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(860): Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on. http://tfl.nu/xowf

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