how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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