well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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