Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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