Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
