Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
