Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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