I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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