Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
