i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my sisters under your porch take her home
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
