you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
