we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
