so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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