fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
