I think my fart just growled at me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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