Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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