just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
