when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
