I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
