Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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