Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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