Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
