My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
