...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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