We won't sleep together?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
