Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
